Sorry for the 2 days of absence.. I was involved in a high profile job that involves writing a statement of purpose for sachin tendulkar to join Mr. Mallya’s team and play for the kannadigas. Initially Sachin wanted to join the force india but after I explained to him that it is not possible to sit out of races stating injuries, he agreed to stick to what he knows best.
The master blaster had earlier used a sop to get into the Yorkshire team. Apparently his English friends had helped him out. But wen he sent the same sop to Mallya he refused to accept stating that the sop was beyond his level of comprehension and also stated that it was dull and uninspiring. This leads us to today. The champions league is approaching and Mumbai Indians are nowhere near. In fact rumour is that the KKR and MI teams have not been given the complimentary tickets that they usually get from the BCCI. Now we know its only due to recession and has nothing to do with their performance of lack of.
Comin back to the topic, I gave tips to sachin on improving his appeal so as to be able to join the tired(tried) and TESTed team(bad joke :p). Here is a list of pointers u shud give to a master blaster wen he is lookin to retire and settle down in life.
1. Stick supermodel photos on the file cover and keep ur sop inside the envelope.
2. Try to stick to bad English. If u cant write bad English take help from ur old friend kambli.. Wat are friends for?
3. Make sure everything is red in colour. Including fonts, signatures and supermodels’ attire.
4. Highlight the fact that u have more test centuries than any other test batsman.
5. Argue that your strike rate is almost as slow as Dravid and hence u deserve to be in the team.
6. Make comparison’s with dravid for anything and everything including no of ads and national team captaincy.
7. Include your physio’s details and insist that he join the squad with his wife and 2 kids on all tours.
8. If rejected for batting shortcomings, resend application saying u can bowl better than tinu yohannan.
9. Make sure u convey the fact that you can run faster than boucher, are lighter than kallis and definitely field better than wasim jaffer.
10. Most important of all is for u to imply in every line that u are married. This serves 2 purposes. It sends a msg that u r looking to save and hence earn more. It also shows that u wont be personally involved with the teams ambassadors namely deepika padukone, Katrina kaif, Ramya and upendra.. (upendra? Seriously? Get real dude..).
So, now that sachin has followed my advice and sent the sop to Mallya’s office in Milan, I hope he gets a positive result.(fingers crossed).
All the best dude..
U guys take care.. if u need some expert help, u know whom to contact;)
Cheers..
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Lets Train Man..
The easiest word to utter but the toughest to undergo. U have no idea how much this world has conquered the world. There is training for jobs, for shows, for dating, for marriage, for kids and the stuff they do. Training is such an integral part of every organization that the LeT had to initiate a training programme to keep up with the growing demands and maintain the quality of organization.
People want to improve whatever they think they want to, from interior of rooms to that of their noses. Then I guess there shouldn be such a racket with the amount of training going on. I have made some calculations to figure out that an average human being has to undergo training for atleast 26.37 percentage of his entire lifetime. This may be spread across various ages starting from early mumbling training to kidney replacement surgery and the stuff u have to do after that.
There is this awesome quote in martial arts that says I am not afraid of the thousand moves you have tried once. I am scared by the one move that u have tried a thousand times. In cricket it goes this way, I don care about the balls u bowl outside off stump. I worry bout the one that u can swing back in. Okay guess the next one.. I don care bout the hundred swings u make but the one that makes contact.. I know its tough for u but this is an evander hollyfield line before his match up with bite Tyson.
I guess we will have to deal with it as we do so gracefully against the many other problems that we face in our daily lives. These may or may not include waking up early, rising petrol prices, rising stocks of vijay mallaya and decreasing quality of regional cinema.
Cheers..
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Two Fast Three Furious… Tokyo drift
An International review of stuff u don care about..
The most major and noticeable side effect of the Nagasaki bombings is evident in the way japan has progressed since then. A Scientific study conducted by me and my 2 yr old nephew suggests that the radiations caused the brain nerves to function at approximately 2.3842 times their original speed. No wonder the Japanese speak the toughest language on earth right from when they are babies.
Not so far Behind in the race is India, Thanks to its illustrious neighborhood and the frequent exposure to radiation, mutilation and violence. Indians have the unique ability of multitasking several hundred functions at a time. I have seen Indians who can drive the car while speaking to their beloved and sometimes even juggling pineapples at the same time. That is fast man..
The United States of America. The big brother of all nations. He wants to know what u r hiding, he wants to know what u have and he wants to have what u know. The big bully will take ur stuff and beat u up or maybe beat u up and then take ur stuff, solely left to his discretion. Faced wit the worst crisis of a decade, I guess he is busy and hence stayin out of wrong’s way for a while. But we want him back bec he still is a part of the family man.
The above article has nothing to do with the rise in japan’s GDP or the fact that Indians are taking multiple jobs to support their now costly livelihood. It doesn have anything to do with the fact that there has not been a bombing in Iraq for the past 13 hrs. Man that last one was really big. Imagine 13 hours. By US standards it’s a bit like ajit agarkar bowling an over without extras. Huge possibility that he may do it someday.
Cheers.. Hav fun!!
The most major and noticeable side effect of the Nagasaki bombings is evident in the way japan has progressed since then. A Scientific study conducted by me and my 2 yr old nephew suggests that the radiations caused the brain nerves to function at approximately 2.3842 times their original speed. No wonder the Japanese speak the toughest language on earth right from when they are babies.
Not so far Behind in the race is India, Thanks to its illustrious neighborhood and the frequent exposure to radiation, mutilation and violence. Indians have the unique ability of multitasking several hundred functions at a time. I have seen Indians who can drive the car while speaking to their beloved and sometimes even juggling pineapples at the same time. That is fast man..
The United States of America. The big brother of all nations. He wants to know what u r hiding, he wants to know what u have and he wants to have what u know. The big bully will take ur stuff and beat u up or maybe beat u up and then take ur stuff, solely left to his discretion. Faced wit the worst crisis of a decade, I guess he is busy and hence stayin out of wrong’s way for a while. But we want him back bec he still is a part of the family man.
The above article has nothing to do with the rise in japan’s GDP or the fact that Indians are taking multiple jobs to support their now costly livelihood. It doesn have anything to do with the fact that there has not been a bombing in Iraq for the past 13 hrs. Man that last one was really big. Imagine 13 hours. By US standards it’s a bit like ajit agarkar bowling an over without extras. Huge possibility that he may do it someday.
Cheers.. Hav fun!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Inspiration
This article is a bit serious, so pls take this warning and close ur browser. Or if u think its nonsense as ever at my blog go ahead and read it..
I wonder how people got inspired to do what they ended up doing in life. I’m sure Sherpa din’t accidentally wake up on the mount everest. Maybe Benjamin franklin was accidentally hit by lightning, but Charles babbage was certainly not trying to make a sculpture wen he accidentally invented the computer. What u end up doing in life has a lot to do with what u want to.
You may argue that there was a guy in my school who dropped out jus like Einstein did. He had cool stand up hair jus like mr.E and he din have to use gels either. He used to forget all things he must remember and mostly it was his pants. He even had the worst handwriting to date. BUT he dint end up on a podium of an international science convention. He ended up being a model with his awesome stand up hair and he got a lot of perks for forgetting to wear stuff. I guess he got what he deserved to get. This brings us to the point that what u end up doing in life is what is always the best for you.
I’m not done yet. There is the case of the stammering secretary who had a problem. She was not defiant. She was told what she had to do. Always. At home it was her husband, at office, the bossy boss, at school, the teachers and the bullies. At times she thought she never had a voice of her own. So this tells that sometimes what u end up doing in life is what others want u to do. (PS: I asked her to get a dog and they lived happily ever after).
If u r confused by now about how u should go about it, I’ll suggest u get on with it and don give a damn. Cos what u end up doing is what u really do and not keep thinking about.
Have a gr8 time. Do stuff. Thinking is optional. Make the choice.
Cheers..
I wonder how people got inspired to do what they ended up doing in life. I’m sure Sherpa din’t accidentally wake up on the mount everest. Maybe Benjamin franklin was accidentally hit by lightning, but Charles babbage was certainly not trying to make a sculpture wen he accidentally invented the computer. What u end up doing in life has a lot to do with what u want to.
You may argue that there was a guy in my school who dropped out jus like Einstein did. He had cool stand up hair jus like mr.E and he din have to use gels either. He used to forget all things he must remember and mostly it was his pants. He even had the worst handwriting to date. BUT he dint end up on a podium of an international science convention. He ended up being a model with his awesome stand up hair and he got a lot of perks for forgetting to wear stuff. I guess he got what he deserved to get. This brings us to the point that what u end up doing in life is what is always the best for you.
I’m not done yet. There is the case of the stammering secretary who had a problem. She was not defiant. She was told what she had to do. Always. At home it was her husband, at office, the bossy boss, at school, the teachers and the bullies. At times she thought she never had a voice of her own. So this tells that sometimes what u end up doing in life is what others want u to do. (PS: I asked her to get a dog and they lived happily ever after).
If u r confused by now about how u should go about it, I’ll suggest u get on with it and don give a damn. Cos what u end up doing is what u really do and not keep thinking about.
Have a gr8 time. Do stuff. Thinking is optional. Make the choice.
Cheers..
Monday, August 17, 2009
Naxalism and unemployment
Are 2 major issues that Dr. Manmohan singh discusses everyday with his dog when he takes him/her for a walk. Its serious. People are unemployed because they are naxals and people become naxals because they are unemployed.
Here is some stuff i believe is the Criteria for being a naxal, i got it in one of the numerous useless mailing lists that i joined. and yes that includes everything u think it does.
1. Must be unemployed
2. Must have experience at a local prison
3. Must attend the NSB session and pass with good grades.(NSB is National School of Brainwashing, for those of you who don’t know).
4. Must love the jungle life and be willing to use leaves in place of tissues.
5. Must not have the urge to order a pizza home delivery.
6. Must believe in brotherly love and strive for peace in within the colony and unrest outside of it.
7. Should know to use the internet to download entertaining stuff for co-workers.
8. Preference will be given to people who can create awareness about the stated naxal organization by creating a website, writing a blog or by recommending his/her friends.
9. Preference to people who believe the day begins at 9 p m and ends at 7 a m
10. Should be Flexible with timings, Flexible with duration of job/life(whichever is early).
So it is clear now that who can become a naxal and who can’t. Basically is a losers job to go into the jungle and live in this age of ultramodernisation. I hate the celebrities who go into the jungle to get a few bucks and then say get me out of here. What gives? Hopeless I say.
That done with, here are some reasons why I think those who are unemployed now are unemployed.
1. Bad luck
2. Not qualified enough
3. Strategically born in the era just before the great recession.
4. No tolerance towards physical work.
5. Ignorance of HR dept all over the globe.
6. Inefficiency of the stated candidate to land the deal.
7. Failure of a great new business domain.
8. Crashing stock markets
9. Rising food prices
10. Good for nothing skillsets.
If you manage to read carefully through the above article, it shows that I really do know more about naxals than about the unemployed. Tough luck guys but I jus cant think of reasons enough. Lets jus say this is the era of have fun and they year of awesome. We really cant get back this lost time. So might as well enjoy the crap out of it.
Cheers.
Here is some stuff i believe is the Criteria for being a naxal, i got it in one of the numerous useless mailing lists that i joined. and yes that includes everything u think it does.
1. Must be unemployed
2. Must have experience at a local prison
3. Must attend the NSB session and pass with good grades.(NSB is National School of Brainwashing, for those of you who don’t know).
4. Must love the jungle life and be willing to use leaves in place of tissues.
5. Must not have the urge to order a pizza home delivery.
6. Must believe in brotherly love and strive for peace in within the colony and unrest outside of it.
7. Should know to use the internet to download entertaining stuff for co-workers.
8. Preference will be given to people who can create awareness about the stated naxal organization by creating a website, writing a blog or by recommending his/her friends.
9. Preference to people who believe the day begins at 9 p m and ends at 7 a m
10. Should be Flexible with timings, Flexible with duration of job/life(whichever is early).
So it is clear now that who can become a naxal and who can’t. Basically is a losers job to go into the jungle and live in this age of ultramodernisation. I hate the celebrities who go into the jungle to get a few bucks and then say get me out of here. What gives? Hopeless I say.
That done with, here are some reasons why I think those who are unemployed now are unemployed.
1. Bad luck
2. Not qualified enough
3. Strategically born in the era just before the great recession.
4. No tolerance towards physical work.
5. Ignorance of HR dept all over the globe.
6. Inefficiency of the stated candidate to land the deal.
7. Failure of a great new business domain.
8. Crashing stock markets
9. Rising food prices
10. Good for nothing skillsets.
If you manage to read carefully through the above article, it shows that I really do know more about naxals than about the unemployed. Tough luck guys but I jus cant think of reasons enough. Lets jus say this is the era of have fun and they year of awesome. We really cant get back this lost time. So might as well enjoy the crap out of it.
Cheers.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Swine did wat?
Wassup with this swine flu stuff? I never really understand how u name a disease. Maybe they detected that swines had this flu first. In that case why is aids not called Chimpanzee flu or mad monkey disease(remember the mad cow disease?).
Maybe its just another strategy to decrease the increasing pork consumption by naming a disease after it. It does a world of good to other industries that do not involve pigs, like Hollywood diners, Chinese restaurants, thai food and many other continental getaways.
I have secret information from a spy in the pentagon, from the USSDNC (United States Strategic Disease Naming Committee). The news claims that the next major disease will be named idli flu or idli fever or idliculosis, a move which threatens to target south Indian food. It will increase the popularity of burgers in major hot spots like the tanjore temple, the Madurai temple etc etc. The marina beach may finally get hawker boys who sell burgers and hot dogs instead of sundal and manga.
Get real guys people die of known diseases such as tb, malaria and jaundice also. Why make such fuss of a new disease. We have invented like a 1000 new medicines in the last decade or so. We can deal with all this and more. So stay cool and stay out of other’s sneeze zone limit.
Cheers. AAHCHOO.. excuse me.
Maybe its just another strategy to decrease the increasing pork consumption by naming a disease after it. It does a world of good to other industries that do not involve pigs, like Hollywood diners, Chinese restaurants, thai food and many other continental getaways.
I have secret information from a spy in the pentagon, from the USSDNC (United States Strategic Disease Naming Committee). The news claims that the next major disease will be named idli flu or idli fever or idliculosis, a move which threatens to target south Indian food. It will increase the popularity of burgers in major hot spots like the tanjore temple, the Madurai temple etc etc. The marina beach may finally get hawker boys who sell burgers and hot dogs instead of sundal and manga.
Get real guys people die of known diseases such as tb, malaria and jaundice also. Why make such fuss of a new disease. We have invented like a 1000 new medicines in the last decade or so. We can deal with all this and more. So stay cool and stay out of other’s sneeze zone limit.
Cheers. AAHCHOO.. excuse me.
Life at a deli
You go into a deli say mc donalds or some pizza place which has a sexy woman on the entrance poster. U fell hungry but decide to go with a medium size burger without cheese or a medium size pizza without extra toppings(duh!!, ya I know u have to maintain your figure). Done with that u now feel u could have some more. So u go order another medium and another and another till u r full. U get jus one life guys. U cant go order another medium life from up top. Go for a large life. A totally awesome life that only u can have. Not to mention all the extra spice, toppings and cheese liberally used up.
Why should u take it from me to have a large life? Because I jus jumped off the Eiffel tower after landing from the planet of crazy, bec I jus pissed on a rose in a flower show, bec I jus got up from the worst weekend hangover, bec I have a gr8 schedule of not having a schedule, bec I greet every moment with joy and kick it out wen I’m done having my way with it.
Doing crazy stuff requires only 2 things
1. Guts
2. More Guts
It takes guts to do stuff that u are not supposed to do. But the universal law stateth “ The more fun u have, the more illegal it is” . Hav fun;)
Why should u take it from me to have a large life? Because I jus jumped off the Eiffel tower after landing from the planet of crazy, bec I jus pissed on a rose in a flower show, bec I jus got up from the worst weekend hangover, bec I have a gr8 schedule of not having a schedule, bec I greet every moment with joy and kick it out wen I’m done having my way with it.
Doing crazy stuff requires only 2 things
1. Guts
2. More Guts
It takes guts to do stuff that u are not supposed to do. But the universal law stateth “ The more fun u have, the more illegal it is” . Hav fun;)
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